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Comical Country Cousin 



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The Comical Country 
Cousins 

i^ Humorous, Patriotic Entertainment 
in One Act 



By 
LIEUT. BEALE CORMACK) W^ 

Author of " The American J i.ag, ' "Aaron Slick 
frojn Punki7i Crick,'' etc. 

NOTE 

This play may be performed by amateurs free of royalty and 
without express permission. The professional stage-rights are, 
however, strictly reserved, and performance by professional 
actors, given in advertised places of amusement and for profit, is 
forbidden. Persons who may wish to produce this play publicly 
and professionally should apply to the author in care of the 
publishers; 




BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
1921 



The Comical Country Cousins 



CHARACTERS 

Aunt Ophelia, the boss. 
Cousin Sukey,_/>w« Sidecomb Corners. 
Cousin Mollie, who kin pian like sixty. 
Cousin Delia, yh?;^ Doughnut Crossing. 
Cousin Sarah, looking for a man. 
Cousin Jane, who s got city ways. 
Cousin Cecelia, /rw« Skinnyapolis. 
Cousin Samanthy, pur( nigh eighty. 
Sis Hopkins, smitten with Bilious. 
Cousin Merindy, who sings like a bird. 
Ma'y Jinnie, a hefty "cullud" lady. 
TOPSY, a li I pickaninny. 

Scene. — Any platform. 




Copyright, 1920, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 

Free for amateur ptrformance. 
Professional stage and moving picture rights reserved. 



®C/.0 ,56-500 

jAN -7 1921 



SUGGESTIONS 

Aunt Ophelia. — This is the leading part and should 
be played by a lady with a good speaking voice. Plain 
old-time costume adorned with many lodge badges. 

SuKEY. — Old style costume trimmed with gaudy arti- 
ficial flowers and bunches, of colored ribbons and lace. 

MoLLiE. — Old time evening dress, large fan. 

Delia and Sarah. — Funny old-maidish costumes, hair 
dressed in an exaggerated fashion. 

Jane and Cecelia. — First costumes, old style dresses 
and bonnets. Second costumes, long calico dresses, white 
aprons iji front and in back. White kerchiefs crossed in 
front and behind, so that the girls present exactly the 
same appearance going and coming. White cotton gloves. 
Each girl wears two false faces, exactly alike, one over 
the face and one on back of head. These faces are 
separated by a large, stiff white frill that stands straight 
up and runs from ear to ear. Tfeese costumes should be 
worn at rehearsals to get the right effect. 

Samanthy.— Very old lady in black. White hair. 
Cane, spectacles. 

Sis. — First costume, striped stockings, boy's shoes, 
calico dress, red bandana handkerchief folded in square 
and pinned to front of dress with safety pin. Hair wired 
out in pigtails sticking out from head. Second costume, 
man's army overcoat and army hat. She carries a large 
flag. 

Merindy. — Neat, old style costume. 

Ma'y Jinnie. — Padded to look very fat. Dark skirt; 
red calico waist, soiled apron, basket on arm, gaudy hood 
covering head, ears and neck. Choose an actress who 
can give the negro dialect well. To make up, have the 
face dry then take a bit of prepared cork the size of a 
walnut and blacken the face, using a little water on the 
cork. Leave a white line around the mouth. Use no 
grease or cold cream and no red paint. This make-up is 
easy to remove with soap and water. Black gloves. 

Topsy. — vShort tattered dress and old torn sunbonnet- 
Black up like Ma'y Jinnie. Black gloves. 

3 



The Comical Country Cousins 



SCENE. — A platform with eleven chairs arranged in a 
semicircle facing the audience. Piano and stool down 
R. Screen at the l. side of the platform where the per- 
formers may change their costumes. No curtains are 
necessary. A telephone stands on the piano; this may 
be a fake instrument but the green cord, etc., shoidd 
give the proper illusion. 

(Ma'y Jinnie ayid Topsy are concealed behind the 
screen at l., the other characters are concealed in 
the rear of the audience-room. When the play is 
ready to start a concealed clock strikes eight loudly. 
On its last stroke Aunt Ophelia calls out loudly.) 

Aunt Ophelia. Are you all ready ? 
Others. Sure we are. 
Aunt. Then let her go. 

(All sing loudly to the tune of " Battle Hymn of the 
Republic," page 6^, The Golden Book.) 

OPENING SONG 

{By Concealed Chorus.) 

Everybody's ready, let the festival begin, 

Folks are waitin' anxiously to see their kith and kin, 

All the Country Cousins from the hills are comin' in, 

As we go marching on. 
Come along with Aunt Ophelia, 
Sukey, Mollie and Cecelia, 
Sarah, Jane and little Delia, 

We're all a-marching on. 



b THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 

Country Cousins from the east and cousins from the 
west, 

Comic Country Cousins, they're the ones you like the 
best, 

Some are dressed in city clothes and some are coun- 
try dressed, 

But all are marching on. 

Come along with Aunt Ophelia, 

Sukey, Mollie and Cecelia, 

Sarah, Jane and little Delia, 

We're all a-marching on. 

(Aunt Ophelia and Sukey appear at the rear of the 
audience-room and slowly start down the aisle to- 
ward the platform. ) 

Aunt (looking around). Well, well, Sukey, we got a 
pretty good crowd out to-night. Shouldn't be surprised 
if we wouldn't make quite a little sum of money. See 
anybody you know ? 

Sukey (points to some one in the audience). There's 
. (Calling the person by correct name.) 

Aunt. Where? I don't see her. 

Sukey. Right there, and I do declare if she ain't goi 
on a new dress. 

Aunt (recognising her). Howdy, . 

Glad to see you out to-night. How're all the folks over 
your way? My, how them children of yours do grow. 
You're looking right spry, too. (Recognizes a man.) 

Howdy, Mr. . I certainly am surprised to see 

you here. I heerd you was down sick fer the past two 
weeks with the toothache, or sump'm. 

(They advance toward the platform.) 

Sukey. Laws, if there ain't . Good-evening, 

Mrs. ^ . I been aimin' to come over and see yon 

fer the past three months to bring back that dress I bor- 
rowed off'n you to go to 's party. But it seems like 

I never git no time to go nowheres, me bein' so busy 



THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 7 

entertainin' the public. {Tarns.) And there's the 
preacher. 

Aunt. Why, so it is. Good-evening, Brother . 

We're certainly proud to see you here at our entertain- 
ment. We want you to make yourself right at home and 
laugh right out loud jest like you was settin' down to a 
chicken dinner. 

SuKEY. Yes, and you want to clap your hands, too, 
if you like our performance. 

Aunt. That's right. Clap right out loud, too. 'Cause 
all the rest of the folks will be waitin' to see how you act 
before they start to clap themselves. They ain't real 
sure it's proper. 

SuKEY. Oh, there's Mary. For the land sakes ! She's 
got a beau. {.By this time they are at the platform.) 

Aunt. Wait till I see if they've got the piano in tune. 
{Sits at piano and sings.) Do, mi, sol, do. {Plays these 
notes.) Yes, it's pretty good. Sit right down there, 
Cousin Sukey, while I speak to 'em and interduce our- 
selves. 

SuKEY {sits in third chair from r.). Cut it short, 
Aunt Ophelia. Folks is beginnin' to fidget already. 

Aunt {comes to front center and addresses the audi- 
ence). Ladies and gals, sisters and fellow- women, fe- 
males in gineral {pauses and glances sharply around)^ 
and them human insects you got with you, referring to 
the men. Now I ain't got no use fer the men, seeing as 
how one of 'em promised to marry me oncet and then 
changed his mind, but you are welcome here to-night — 
one and all, great and small, and ef you don't have a good 
time and enjoy yourselves it won't be our fault, but jist 
your own stubborn dispositions. In behalf of the Com- 
ical Country Cousins I bid you welcome. We'll do our 
best to please and fully ex])ect you to do your pa"rt by 
laughing with us, applauding our efforts and having a 
good time in gineral. You're goin' to have before your 
astonished gaze this evening the grandest aggregation of 
superabundant talent that ever aggregated in your midst. 
We've come to enlighten you, to edify you, to eddicate you 
and to demoralize you, one and all. The Comical Coun- 



8 THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 

try Cousins have appeared before all the crowned heads 
of Africky and half the bald heads of Ameriky. I no- 
tice we've got a few of the latter present with us to-night. 
(MoLLiE appears at the rear of the aiidience-room.) If 
you will all scruntch your necks a little bit and look back 
there by the door you'll see advancing down the aisle, 
like a lily bud blown along by the April breeze, Cousin 
Mollie McGinty, our musical prodigy. (Mollie comes 
down the aisle.) She's jest as full of music as a cat is 
full of fur; she plans and organs all day long and folks 
say she makes music all night in her sleep. In fact she's 
one of the most talented music-makers that ever caused 
the neighbors to send fer the police to stop the racket. 
(Mollie ascends the platform.) Cousin Mollie was 
eddicated on the piano when she was only three years 
old. Allow me to present our little musical masterpiece 
to you; this is Cousin Mollie McGinty. (Mollie curt- 
seys to the ground first to the audience and then to 
Aunt.) She will now demonstrate her ability as< a 
planner. Of course if the organ was workin' she'd play 
on that, as she organs like a queen, but she kin piann jist 
as good as she kin organ. Now any one in the audience 
will kindly call out the name of any selection that was 
ever writ and Cousin Mollie will perform it. Come now, 
speak up, any one at all. Call out a piece and she will 
play it as it never was played before. 

(// any one calls out a selection Mollie plays it if she 
can, making mistakes, playing now and then with 
only one finger, etc., hut with all the gesticxdation of 
a Paderewski. If Mollie does not know the selec- 
tion called for, she plays any simple tune, such as 
" Turkey in the Straw " or " Home Sweet Home." 
If no selection is called for, have one of the cousins 
in the rear call out the name of a piece, hut give the 
atidience time to call one of their own. The selec- 
tion played should he very short. While Mollie is 
playing Aunt sits on the sixth chair from the r. — the 
middle chair.) 

Sukey {comes down c. at end of playing). Now 



« 

THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 9 

wasn't that superb? The selection you just heard was 
Cousin MolHe's example of the She's-a-nut-sky School. 
Now as an example of the Katch-a-koff-sky School she 
will flavor you with Shovel-o-whisky's celebrated etude, 
Ish Ga Bibble in B Flat A Major, his last composition 
before he was executed for cruelty to animals. 

(Reswnes her seat while Mollie curtseys low and 
plays the same piece as before. During the playing 
SuKEY and Axint keep time with their feet.) 

Aunt {comes forward). Our next number presents 
four of our famous cousins all at once. Prepare your- 
selves fer a dazzling array of beauty such as was never 
seen before in this country er anywhere else. Cousin 
Sarah, Cousin Delia, Cousin Jane and Cousin Cecelia, the 
million-dollar beauties. Mollie, kindly render on the 
piano The Maiden's Prayer, soft and trimbly, as the 
cousins advance. 

(Mollie plays the Wedding March, "Here Comes the 
Bride," as the Cousins Delia, Sarah, Jane and. 
Cecelia slowly walk down the aisle, arms clasped 
on breasts and heads bowed. They ascend the plat- 
form, march to the front and curtsey to the ground. 
The music changes to " Try, Try Again" page 5, 
The Golden Book, as the four cousins sing slowly 
and plaintively to the audience. They gesticulate in 
unison and prolong the vowel sounds in the song. 
This song is simply a take-off and cannot be ex- 
aggerated too much.) 



POOR OLD MAIDS 

Here we be all sad and lorn, poor old maids, 

Wish we never had been born, poor old maids, 

Standin' up here in a row, 

Watchin' fellers come and go, 

Nary one will be our beau, poor old maids. 



10 THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 

Dressed in yaller, pink and blue, poor old maids, 

We can boil and bake and stew, poor old maids. 

Oh, you cutie, over there, {Point.) 

That boy with the fuzzy hair — 

Do you want a wife, so fair? Poor old maids. 

Each would like to be a bride, poor old maids ! 

With a bridegroom by her side, poor old maids. 

Some gals want a dress and fan. 

Some an auto spick and span. 

All we want's a man, man, man ! Poor old maids. 

Folks all say we are a fright, poor old maids. 
No one ever hugs us tight, poor old maids. 
Alas, we don't know what to do. 
We're gittin' old, most forty-two. 
And we can't help it, boo, hoo, hoo ! Poor old 
maids ! 

(All zveep loudly and sit down, Delia and Sarah in 
the fourth and fifth chairs from r., Jane and Ce- 
celia in the seventh and eighth. If afi encore is de- 
manded they repeat the last tzvo stansas.y 

SuKEY (comes forward). Now you're goin' to get a 
real treat. Here comes Cousin Samanthy. (Samanthy 
conies down the aisle.) Samanthy's purt' nigh eighty 
years old, but she's jist as spry as a young kitten. Ain.'t 
you, Samanthy? 

Samanthy (half-way down the aisle). You bet I be, 

SuKEY. She comes from (name some near-by 

tozvn), but you'd never guess it to look at her. Some- 
times she appears almost as intelligent as a human be- 
ing. Here, I'll help you up on the platform. (Helps 
her up.) Ladies and men, this is old Cousin Samanthy. 

(SuKEY takes her seat.) 

Samanthy (comes to front of platform). Howdy, 
folks. I swan to gracious I come purty nigh not gittin' 
here. I been to the old settler's meetin' over in the grove, 
and it like to done me up. I'll tell ye about the 



THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS II 

OLD SETTLER'S MEETIN' 

Been to the old settler's meetin' ! 

And of all the reg'lar beatin' 

Times I think it beat 'em holler. 

Like to bust my new lace collar 

Into flinters — I jest laffed 

Tell I thought I'd go plum daft. 

Who was there ? Now ast me that — 

Tell you who wa'n't there right spat ! 

Ever one I ever knowed 

Come by the load, down every road. 

I shuck hands and shuck and shuck, 

Thought 'at it 'ud be my luck 

To shake my hand off, then and there. 

County fair was jist nowhere!- 

Old Miss Perkins and old Si Crumm, 
Jimmy Hanks, of course he'd come, 
Old Squire Pruitt and his darter, 
Mary Brown and Isaac Carter, 
All the Jinkses, old Aunt Sue, 
Womern, children, all come too ; 
Amos Talbot jest sailed in 
Pullin' the long beard on his chin. 
Old Jake Martin, you know how — 
Chawin' tobaccer like a muley cow ! 
Well, I 'ist can't name 'em through, 
There was jist a reg'lar sloo 
Of the Hubbies, Potters, Skinners, 
With their fam'lies and their dinners ! 
An' them dinners 'ud cure sore eyes : 
Yaller leg chickens an' punkin pies — 
Dumplins big as a feller's head, 
Honey an' old salt-risin' bread. 

Right on the platform 'fore our eyes, 
Uncle Johnny took the prize 
As the oldest settler here. 
And he danced a hornpipe theer. 



12 THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 

Yessir, and the man kin tell more lies, _. i 

'N any feller anyzvhur. "! 

Killed more Injmis, wolves and bars, J 
Fit in three, four Injun wars, 
- Built first cabin, raised first corn, 

His son Jim first baby born, i 
Held first preachin', fought first fight, 
Uncle Johnny's 'ist a sight! 

I 

You'd a laffed like anything ; 

'1st to hear old Aunt Sue sing | 
Old-time love-songs fer a prize — 

Good deal smoother'n you'd surmise ! \ 

Make a mess of it I spec', ■] 

Tho I'll try ef it break my neck. I 

(Sings.) ... j 

As I was a-walkin' one mornin' in June, ' ! 

Fer to view the fair fields an' the medders in bloom, ' 
I met a fair damsel, she looked like a queen. 

With her costly fine robes and her mantle of green. i 



That's as near as I kin git, v' 
Hearin' her was funnier yit ! 

Then old Uncle Johnny got ^, 

A feller kinda heavy-sot, .| 

Majors was his name, to play '] 

Fiddle chunes the resta the day. j 

Played old Rye Straw an' Gray Eagle, (Dances.) i 

Big Piney and Shoot the Beagle. \ 

All our feet commenced to go, ■ 

Jist as soon as he drawed his bow. j 

J 

(Sings.) i 

Old Dan Tucker come to town, i 

Swingin' the ladies all around, 
First to the right an' then to the left, 

Then to the one that he loved best. (End dancing.) 



THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS I3 

Funny how it makes you feel, 
Dancin' that old-fashioned reel — 
Wish you coulda seen them folks, 
Hoppin' round and crackin' jokes. 
Gray old womern an' old men, 
Jist as young as they'd iver been, 
Never thinkin' of the sun, 
Till they noticed it was gone. 
And Letishy says to me 
As we started hum, says she, 
" Honest, honey, didn't it seem. 
Old times come jist like a dream, 
Old time songs and old time dances. 
Old time jokes and old time prances. 
Old time friends and old time eatin'. 
At the old time Settler's Meetin'." 

{She bows and takes her seat, next to Cecelia.) 

Aunt (comes to c. )• The next number on our pro- 
gram (Sis Hopkins appears at rear of the auditorium) 
is a selection 

Sis. Say, Aunt Ophely, ain't it purt' nigh time fer me 
to come in? 

Aunt. Is that you. Sis? 

Sis. Yep, here I be, sassy as a woodchuck an' twicet 
as handsome. {Comes down the aisle.) 

Aunt. This little gal is Cousin Sis Hopkins from 
Skinny-marink Crossroads, down in Toadhunter Holler. 

Sis {skipping to the platform). That's me, every day 
in the week an' a coupla times on Sunday. 

Aunt. Now step out here. Sis, and act your part and 
don't cut up no monkey shines. {Sits at C.) 

Sis {leans over and speaks confidentially to the audi- 
ence). You know I'm the only one in this yere show 
who's a real actress. I kin sing like a bird and dance like 
a butterfly and 7\zi— {pauses for a word) and I kin act 
like — I kin act like 

SuKEY. A simpleton. 

Sis. You hursh up. Cousin Sukey. {To audience.') 



14 THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 

You know what's the matter with Sukey? She's jellix 
of me 'cause I'm better-lookin' ner what she is. An' I 
got a beau, too. Great big fat boy named Bilous But- 
tonbuster, weighs purt' nigh a hundred an' ninety pounds, 
an' ivery inch of him is love. Took me in to see the side- 
show last summer when the circus came to town and I 
snum ef they didn't try to keep him there to be. the fat 
boy. He's a great big feller, Bilious is, weighs purt' nigh 
two hundred pounds. He ain't so big up and down-like 
but I tell you he's a whopper round in the middle. An' 
ivery inch of him is love. The feller in the cirkis had 
me sing a song fer him. I told him I'd had my voice 
brought out by a singing teacher ; he said I'd orter send it 
back an' keep it in cold storage. But the singin' teacher 
said I had an awful fine voice ; she said it was so mellow. 
I told maw that the teacher said I had a mellow voice, 
and maw said, " That's right, mellow means rotten." 
But Bilious jest loves my voice, he says it allers makes 
him homesick, cause it reminds him of the hogs and 
things back on his farm. (Laughs.) Bilious has got 
great ideas fer sich a big feller. Oh, he's awful big, 
weighs purt' nigh two hundred and thirty pounds. 
(Pause, then ecstatically.) An' ivery inch of him is love. 
Aunt Ophely said I was to sing you-uns a song. It's a 
real pathetic song; folks allers cries er sump'm when I 
sing. Sometimes they git so wrought up they git up and 
go out to relieve their emotions. The song I'm a-goin' to 
sing is a love song. (Giggles.) It's Biliouses favorite. He 
gits so sentimental when I sing it — and do you know a fat 
man when he gits sentimental is sump'm awful, and Bil- 
ious weighs ivery ounce of two hundred and sixty-six 
pounds. (Whispers.) And ivery inch of him is love. I 
don't reckon any of you-uns has heerd this song, as it was 
specially wrote fer me an' no one else ever sung it. I sing 
it real pathetic in parts ; when you see me gittin' pathetic 
you'll know I'm a-thinkin' of my Bilious. The name of 
the song is My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean and some- 
times whin I git to singin' it I git real seasick, 'cause you 
kin jest see the ocean and the bonnie an' iverything. Jist 
imagine the bonnie's name is Bilious and he weighs purt' 



THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 1 5 

nigh three hundred pounds. Cousin MolHe, gimme a 
chord to make my bow. 

(MoLLiE plays chord, Sis bozvs, then sings nasally and 
somewhat off the key, but not too much so.) 



MY BONNIE 
(Page 4^, The Golden Book.) 
My bonnie lies over the ocean, {Gesture with r. hand.) 
My bonnie lies over the sea, (With l. hand.) 
My bonnie lies over the ocean, (Both hands.) 
Oh bring back my bonnie to me. (Entreaty.) 

(Speaks.) Ain't that sad? I'm expressing the lacerated 
feelings of a gal whose tender heart has been deserted by 
her bonnie. (Sings rapidly.) 

Bring back, bring back, 

Bring back my bonnie to me, to me ! 

Bring back, bring back. 

Oh, bring back my bonnie to me. 

(Speaks. ) The second spasm is even more pathetic than 
the first. It's the one that Bilious loves the best. Some- 
times the tears come in his eyes when I sing it and he 
feels emotion throbbin' all through his three hundred 
pounds. (Sings.) 

O blow, ye winds, over the ocean, (Gesture to r.) 

O blow, ye winds, over the sea. (To l.) 

O blow, ye winds, over the ocean. 

And bring back my bonnie to me. 
(Slow.) Bring back, bring back, 

(Fast.y Bring back my bonnie to me, to me! 

(Very slozu.) Bring back, bring back, 
(Fast.) O bring back my bonnie to me. 

(Speaks.) Bilious took me into town once to a high- 
toned fashionable dance. First time in my life I'd ever 



l6 THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 

been to one of them things. I wore a peek-a-boo waist 
(pause) all trimmed with mayonaise down the front. It 
was a awful toney part, but they shore was skimpy on 
what they had to eat. Nothin' but two little skinny sand- 
wiches and a coupla green plums-. Bilious said they was 
Olivers, tasted like salt mackerel to me. After we et we 
went into the ballroom. Iverybody was dancin' and 
some was writin' on little bits of paper who they was to 
dance with. I danced the first dance with Bilious. He's 
a lovely dancer, jest like a elephant er sump'm. And he's 
so big, too. Weighs purt' nigh three hundred and sixty 
pounds. We danced around a spell and then the music 
stopped and some fellers come up to ax me to dance. 
One of 'em says to me, " Sis, is your program full ? " I 
axed him what he said and he said agin, "Is your pro- 
gram full ? " I says look yere, you city dude, it takes 
more'n two skinny sandwiches and a couple of Olivers to 
fill my program, an' don't you fergit it. 

(Bows and sits in last seat.) 

SuKEY (comes to front). We will next have a mu- 
sical treat. Cousin Merindy will now flavor us with a 
selection. 

(Merindy appears at rear of the room singing some 
sweet, old-time song as she walks dozvn the aisle. 
She ascends the platform and finishes the second 
stanza on the platform. This number shoidd be ren- 
dered without any comic effect either by the singer or 
any of the other actors. If desired Merindy may 
give a violin solo instead of a vocal solo. At the end 
of her number she sits next to Samanthy. ) 

Aunt (comes to front). The next number on our 
program 

(Ma'y Jinnie waddles to c. from behind the screen.) 

Ma'y. 'Scuse me, lady, but I's jest had a accident out- 



THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 



17 



side an' I'd like de loan ob 3'ou-airs telephome jes' a min- 
ute, please, ma'am. 

Aunt. Why certainly. There's the telephone. 

(Points to telephone on piano and then goe^and sits at c. ) 

Ma'y (picks up the receiver as if afraid of it). Is dis 
yere what I talks in? (Sukey nods.) You reckon dey 
kin hear me? 

Sukey. Of course. 

Ma'y (speaks in the ear-piece). Hello, is dat you, 
Miss Telephome? 

Sukey (goes to her). No, no; hold that to your ear 
and talk in there. 

Ma'y (laughs). Lawsy, lady, is dat de way? I never 
talked in one dese yere contraptions before. I wouldn't 
be doin' it now, only I's had a accident. Hello, is dat 
you, Miss Telephome? (Listens.) Nawm, I didn't yere 
what you said. (Listens.) Numbah? Say, lady, I 
don't want to speak to no numbah. I wants to speak to 
Miss Car'line McTish. (Pause.) Huh? Don't you 
know Miss Car'line McTish? Lawsy, I thought ebry- 
body in dis yere town knowed Miss Car'line McTish, 
(Gestures with her free arm.) You know she libs down 
there — you go through de alley back de Methodis' Church 
an' you turns to yo' left, an' she libs in dat big white 
house what's settin' back in de cedar trees. Hello, is dat 
you. Miss Car'line? Yasm, dis is Ma'y Jinnie. Say, 
Miss Car'line, you know I started to market wif dat old 
mule, Maud. (Listens.) Huh? No'm, not mud, I 
means dat old mule Maud. (Spells.) M-o-d 
(pronounces) , Maud. She's done balked agin. Yas'm, 
Miss Car'line, she done balked right in front ob de 
Church. (Listens.) Yas'm, we tried dat on her. We 
twisted her tail. Little travellin' drummer man from 
Boston — he come 'long an' said de bes' way to start a 
balkin' mule was to twist her tail. He done it. 
(Listens.) Yas'm, he's powerful hurt, de avalanche has 
already done come and tooken him down to de horse- 
pistol. (Listens.) Yas'm, we tried dat on her, too. 



l8 THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 

We tied up one ob her fore-foots. Li'l preacher man, 
Mefodis' preacher man, he dunno what he's talkin' 
'bout — ^he say ef you tie up a mule's fore-foot she couldn't 
kick. {Laughs.) She fool him — she had two hine ones 
left. She fotch him one right in de stomach. De police- 
man's out yere now pourin' ice-water on his haid. 
{Listens.) Yas'm, we tried dat on her, too. We tied a 
hoss hair round her ear an' drapped some pebbles in it. 
Big fat man come waddlin' along. Dunno who he was, 
I done forgotten his entitlements, dey's done slipped my 
recomembrance. He's de one dat tied de.hoss hair round 
Maud's ear. {Slight pause.) Ma'am? No'm, she des' 
bit a li'l hunk outa his jaw, not a very big piece. I 
pries dat mule's mouth open and took dat hunka meat out. 
Doctor's out dere now stickin' it back on. Fat man, he'll 
git ovah it all right. {Listens.) Yas'm, I tole you we 
tried everything on her. Yas'm, we tried dat too. We 
started a fire under her. I got some pine kindlin' an' 
started a fire under Maud and when it gits close to whar 
she lib, she begin to wiggle herself round disaway. 
{Imitates.) And when dat fire's des' a scorchin' her 
stomach too much, what you reckon she done done ? She 
des' stepped on 'bout three steps and balked again. 
Stopped wif de cart right ovah de fire. {Listens.) 
Yas'm, it burnt de cart a li'l bit, burnt de cart a whole 
lot, yas'm, dat's what I'z tryin' to tell you all de time, 
burnt de cart plum up, and I wants you to send down 
another cart right away. No'm, Maud nevah budged. 
She's standin' right dere now. 

Enter Topsy from behind the screen. 

TopsY. Oh, mammy, mammy ! 

Ma'y {replaces the telephone). What you want, baby? 

TopsY. You know dat ole mule Maud. 

Ma'y {laughs). Know her? Course I knows her. 
Didn't I raise her? 

TopsY. She ain't balked no mo'. 

Ma'y. How come she ain't? 

TopSY. Doctor man say he kin start her with a si- 
ringe. 



THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 



19 



Ma'y. Wif a what? 

ToPSY. He take out a little shiney thing and fill it full 
ob some kinda medicine. Den he shoot dat thing into 
Maud. 

Ma'y. Shoot her? Is she daid? 

ToPSY. Laws, no. She throwed back her years and 
run three miles down de road 'fore she knowed she'd got 
started. 

Ma'y. Oh, lawsy. Whar's dat doctor man, honey? 
Whar is he? I got to hab him shoot some ob dat stuff 
into me. 

TopsY. How come? 

Ma'y. I's got to hab him shoot me twice, kase I's jes' 
naturally bleeged to kotch dat mule. 

TopsY. Mule run into a drug-store window and 
stopped her own self. Busted de window and all de 
drug-store bottles. De man come leadin' her back, an* 
she's des' as ca'm as a li'l baby. She's waitin' for you. 

Aunt (rises). Before you go, sit down over there 
(points to chairs) and we'll all have a grand minstrel 
jubilee. 

Ma'y (at R.). Minstrel show? Lawsy, lady, lead me 
to it. Dere ain't nufifin' on earth dat I loves more'n a 
minstrel band. (Sits at r. in first chair.) 

TopsY. Me, too. (Sits next to her.) 

(Positions: reading from r. as yon face the audience, 
MoLLiE on stool at piano, Ma'y, Topsy, Sukey, 
Delia, Sarah, Aunt, Jane, Cecelia, Samanthy, 
Merindy and Sis. Piano starts playing "Dixie" 
loudly. All characters take musical instruments 
from their hand-bags or baskets and play the first 
verse and chorus making as much noise as possible. 
Ma'y beats a bass drum, if possible, or plays a tam- 
bourine. Sis plays rattlebones zvith clapper attached, 
TopsY plays tambourine, Sukey rattlebones, the 
other Cousins play instruments or toy trumpets, 
rattlers, squawkers, drums, etc., all standing. After 
a verse and chorus have been played as loudly as 
possible all rise and sing.) 



20 THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 



DIXIE LAND 
{Page 64, The Golden Book.) 
I wish I was in de land ob cotton, 
Old times dere am not forgotten, 

Look away, etc. 
In Dixie Land whar I was born in, 
Early on one frosty mornin', 
Look away, etc. 

Den I wish I was in Dixie, etc. 

Old Missus marry Will de Weaver, 
William was a gay deceiver. 

Look away, etc. 
But when he put his arm around her. 
He smiled as fierce as a forty pounder, 

Look away, etc. 

Den I wish I was in Dixie, etc. 

Dere's buckwheat cakes an' Injun batter, 
Makes you fat or a little fatter. 

Look away, etc. 
Den hoe it down an' scratch your gravel, 
To Dixie Land I's bound to travel, 

Look away, etc. 

Den I wish I was in Dixie, etc. 

{^Put OS much noise and action in the song as possible, 
singing it at a very rapid tempo. Ma'y and Topsv 
dance at c. Sing the last chorus slozver and end 
with harmonized parts, if possible. At end of num- 
ber all are standing. Jane and Ckcelia go out dur- 
ing the singing behind the screen and prepare for 
their duet.) 

Aunt {in the manner of an interlocutor in a minstrel 
show) . Gentlemen, be seated ! 



THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 21 

Ma'y (oh her tamUour'mc or drum). Bing, Bing! 
{All are seated.) 

TopsY {to Aunt). Say, Miss Lady, did you ehtx 
hear dat story 'bout de frosted window? 

Aunt. No, Topsy, I never heard that one.. What is 
the story about the frosted window ? 

TorsY. Oh, you couldn't see through it. 

Sis. Say, Aunt Ophely, I got a joke I wanta ask you. 
It's one of them con-onions. 

Aunt. You mean a conundrum, Sis. 

Sis. Yas, but I can't say conundrum, it tickles my 
tongue. What I want to know is why is the fourth of 
July? 

Aunt. Why is the fourth of July what? 

Sis. No what to it. Just why is the fourth of July ? 

Aunt. How very foolish. There can't be an answer 
to that. Why is the fourth of July. 

Sis. Well, why is the fourth of July? 

Aunt. What's the answer? 

Sis. There ain't to answer at all. I just said " y " is 
the fourth of July. {Spells.) J-u-l-y. The "y" is 
the fourth of July. 

Ma'y {laughs loudly). 1 saw a young lady down on 
de street yesterday cryin' like her little heart was done 
broke. 

Aunt. Why, what had happened to her? 

Ma'y. She'd jes' been in to see a fortune teller. De 
fortune teller told her dat her father was a hard-workin' 
man who shoveled coal and tended fires all day long. 
Den dat young lady started to weep. 

Aunt. What made her weep? 

Ma'y. Her father had been dead three years, and his 
occupation kinda worried her. 

Aunt. Little Topsy Turnover will now oblige us with 
a minstrel song entitled . 

(Topsy sings a comedy song.) 

Ma'y. Say, Miss 'Pheely, did you know I gwine to 
asrin? 



IVIA Y. Ody, IV 

git married agin? 



22 THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 

Aunt. Why, no, Ma'y Jinnie, I didn't even know you 
had an admirer. 

Ma'y. Yas'm, I shore has. 
Aunt. And who is he, Ma'y Jinnie? 
Ma'y. Do you 'member. Miss 'Pheely, dat I attended 
de funeral ob a friend ob mine about two weeks ago ? 
Aunt. Yes, I remember. ' 

Ma'y. Well, I'm gwine to marry de corpses husband. 
Sis (rises and stands facing audience; she commences 
to recite in a sing-song tone bending her knees slightly 
four times to each line). 

Listen to me and you shall hear, 
A story of old most wondrous queer, 
Of a family known both far and near 
By the funny name of Umha-ha. 

{Keep up knee action.) 

Merindy {comes and stands beside her, bending knees 
with Sis and reciting in sing-song tone). 
Mr. Umha said one day 
He thought he'd take the family sleigh 
And ride upon the frozen snow, 

Samanthy {comes down). 

Mrs. Umha said she'd go, 
They took the family, of course, 
Including, too, the family horse. 

Aunt {joins the line). 

He was a mule, and a big one too. 
You could see his ribs where the hay stuck 
through. 

Sarah {comes dozmi). 

There was Tim and Duley Umha-ha, 
Rose and Julie Umha-ha, 
Lizzie Minnie Umha-ha, 
Big fat Jinnie Umha-ha. 

Delia. 

Fourteen people in one sleigh. 
They started out to spend the day. 



THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS . 23 

SUKEY. 

But luck will have it as it will; 
When they struck the top of the hill 
The hill was slippery and down they flew — 
How fast they went they never knew. 
The time they made it can't be beat, 
The old mule had no use fer his feet. 

TOPSY. 

He looked like a bird or a ship in sail, 

And he flew with his ears and he steered with 

his tail. 
'Twas a rnile to the bottom and the bottom was 

mud, 
And they all hit the bottom with an awful thud. 

(All in a straight line, facing audience and bending 
knees.) 

Ma'y. 

Tim and Duley they was crazed, 

Rose and Julie they was dazed, 

Lizzie Minnie bumped her nose, 

Big fat Jinnie, she w^as froze. 
Sis. 

Fourteen doctors come from town. 
Merindy. 

They buried the mule down under ground. 
Aunt. 

They gave little Tim a dish of chowder, 
Sarah. 

They gave fat Jinnie a Seidlitz powder. 
Delia. 

They put Mr. Duley away in bed, 

SUKEY. 

Put a mustard plaster on Jinnie's head. 

ToPSY. 

But four days later they were well, ha, ha ! 
Ma'y. 

And this is the tale of the Umha-ha ! 

(All march to their seats singing, "Anld Lang Syne." 
Page 57, The Golden Book.) 



24 THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 

The Umha-ha's all fell down hill, 
But still they laughed, Ha, ha ! 
So let us all be merry still. 
Like the funny Umha-ha ! 

(All seated, except Aunt. Aunt introduces Merindy, 
who gives a vocal or violin solo ; or a female quartet 
may render a ballad at this point.) 

Sis. I wanta tell you all sump'm. It's about my beau 
Bilious. You know Bilious Buttonbuster, don't you? 
Big, fat feller, weighs purt' nigh three hundred and ninety 
pounds 

Aunt. Sis, you hush up, if you can't talk about 
nothin' else better than that beau of yours. We're all 
sick of hearin' about him. 

Sis. Jellix ! 

Aunt (sniffs). Jealous, the idea! I wouldn't marry 
the best man living. 

Sis. You couldn't git Bilious. 

Aunt. I wouldn't want him. 

Sis. He's a wonderful feller. 

Aunt. I wouldn't have him as a gift. 

Sis. He's so good-natured. 

Aunt. He has to be ; he can't run and he's too fat to 
fight. 

Sis. He ain't so awful fat. He's just bone and 
muscle. 

Aunt. Yes, he's bone from the neck up, solid ivory. 

Sis. And he weighs purt' nigh four hundred pounds, 
and ivery inch of him is love. 

Aunt. You hush up talkin' about sich foolishness. 

Sis. All right. I won't say another word. 

Aunt. See that you don't. 

Sis. He's an only child, Bilious is. 

Aunt. We don't want to hear no more about Bilious. 

Sis. He come to serenade me the other night. 

Aunt. That's enough. 

Sis. He sang " Come, Birdie, Come," and the next 
morning he got arrested for stealing chickens. Bilious 
said 



THE COMICAL COUNTRY COLSINS 25 

Aunt. The next number on our program 



Sis. I was goin' to tell you what Bilious said 

Aunt. If you can't keep still, we'll put you where you 
can. Samanthy, you put Sis Hopkins back of the screen. 
Samanthy (goes to Sis). Come on, child. 

(Leads her to screen.) 

Sis. Everybody picks on me, 'kase I'm so cute, and 
you're all jellix, 'cause Bilious is my beau. You know 
him. Cousin Samanthy? Great big feller, weighs purt' 
nigh four hundred and forty pounds, and every inch 
of him is love. 

(Samanthy puts her hack of screen. Samanthy re- 
sumes her seat.) 

SuKEY {rises). Our next number introduces our two 
famous twins, the Comicalest Country Cousins outa cap- 
tivity. They each got one of these new-fangled one- 
button dresses and when they put 'em on they got so 
twisted lookin' backwards that they never got untwisted, 
so you'll have to take 'em twist and all. {Sits.) 

{Music, "Auld Lang Syne," played rather fast in 
march time. Jane and Cecelia march in from rear, 
Cecelia walking hack-wards. They march to front 
and nod at audience on a given note, then go through 
arm calisthenics while the piano plays eight bars. 
The audience should not suspect the " double " na- 
tures of the girls until they turn around. After the 
calisthenics they sing.) 

We're the Country Cousin Twins, 
You can't tell one from t'other ; 

We act alike and dress alike, 
And look jest like our mother, 

{Piano repeats the music of the verse while the two 
girls step in time. Jane puts her r. foot to R. on 
first heat corresponding to the zvvrd " we're " in the 
preceding verse. She then draws l. foot to r. and 



26 THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 

on " Cons " puts r. foot to r. again, and draws l. 
foot to it on " Twins." Repeat the same steps for 
second line. On third and fourth line work hack to 
original position in the same zvay. Cecelia does the 
same steps with her back to the audience. No sing- 
ing during the stepping. Then Jane sings alone, 
both gesturing.) 

My name is Jane, I'm awful sweet, 

Cecelia is my sister; 
We both have exercised so much 

That each one is a twister. 

(Piano repeats music of the verse. On the first two 
lines the girls bow four times, bending at the waist, 
Jane boimng to the front, Cecelia to back. On the 
last two lines they swing around, bringing Jane fac- 
ing rear and Cecelia front. Cecelia sings.) 

We're two sweet girls, as you can see : 
You can't tell how we're going; 

No matter on which side you look, 
We're bound to make a showing. 

(Piano repeats music. Girls face each other, clasp 
right hands and balance forward and back, then 
twirl — leaving Jane facing front and Cecelia the 
rear. Jane sings.) 

We're looking for two nice young men, 

Speak up, boys, do not falter ; 
Just -raise your hands if you would like 

To lead us to the altar. 

(Piano repeats music. Girls spread skirts and dance 
forward and back to audience, then around, leaving 
Cecelia facing front. She sings.) 

I'm sure we'd make two charming brides, 

A going or a coming; 
So, wake up, boys, don't be afraid, 

Let's start the music humming. 



THE COMICAL COUNTRY COUSINS 27 

(Music repeats as girls do Virginia Reel steps, facing 
each other. Forward and back, forward and swing, 
do-see-do, etc. At close Jane faces front and sings.) 

I want a man who's good and true, 
I'll please him with my cooking. 

Cecelia (swings round and sings). 

Oh, she can cook, but honest, boys, 
I'm much the better looking. 

(Music repeats. Jane kneels, back to audience, Cece- 
lia dances around her. Then both face front and 
sing. ) 

Although we're full of jollity, 

I'm sure you boys can tame us ; 
Now Johnny Sells and Walter Jones, 
Come on up here and claim us. 

(Substitute local names for the. ones mentioned. Jane 
and Cecelia resume seats.) 

Aunt. We will close our program by singing "Amer- 
ica, the Beautiful." 

(All rise, produce small American flags and sing 
" America, the Beautifid," page pi. The Golden 
Book. At the end of the song. Sis enters from be- 
hind screen dressed in army overcoat, army hat and 
carrying large American flag. She poses at c, sur- 
rounded by the others. All sing " U^hen Johnny 
Comes Marching Home," page 126, The Golden 
Book, and march out tlir'ough the audience and dis- 
appear at back of the audience-room.) 

Note. — The music and songs called for in the text may 
be found in The Golden Book of Favorite Songs, 25 
cts. ; for sale by Walter H. Baker Co., 5 Hamilton Place, 
Boston 9, Mass. 



ALLISON MAKES HAY 

A Comedy in Three Acts 
By Theresa Helburn 
Seven men, seven women. Scenery, three interiors ; costumes, modern. 
Plays a full evening. Royalty, #15.00 a performance. Originally pro- 
duced at The Belmont Theatre, New York, under the title, " Crops and 
croppers." Allison, patriotically retiring to the country as a war economy, 
cultivates the soil and raises, among other things, a husband. A bright 
and graceful little comedy wonderfully full of charm both in the character 
\){ Allison and in the treatment of her little love affair, which is the theme 
of the piece. The twin of " Cousin Kate " in its simple plan and enormous 
interest and appeal. Strongly recommended to all amateur organizations 
for its grace, its perfect taste, its ease of productions and its effect ,\eness. 
Price, 60 cents 

CHARACTERS 
\^In the order of their appeanijtce) 
Margot Marbrook, 19, her sister. 
Janey Wimpole, 19, her sister s friend. 
Annie, her viaid. 

Peter Weston, 53, almost her guardian. 
Allison Marbrook, 23, herself. 
Roy Parcher, 24, her soldier. 
Stetson, her, first recruit. 
Jean, 27, her hired man. 
Mrs. Bradley," 35, her last resort. 
Dr. Truesdale, 34, her unsuspected ally. 
Stephen Marbrook, 29, her brother. 
Mrs. Spencer, CI, ) , . ,, 
Mrs. Pray, 32. \ ^'^r neighbors. 

Pete Cobb, her victim. 

SYNOPSIS 
Act I. — Her house in New York. 
Act II. — Her farm. 
Act III. — Her tenant house. 

THE COPPER POT 

A Play in Two Scenes 
By Frances Healey 
Eight men, five women. Scene, an Oriental street ; costumes, eastern. 
Plays half an hour. Royalty, #5.00 a performance. Abdallali, tlie 
Generous, borrows of Rasid, the Avaricious, his copper pot for the enter- 
tainment of his guests ami by a piece of Oriental ingenuity becomes ils 
]iossessor. A most laughable and ingenious picture of eastern life, clevcily 
written and lending itself to ]iroduction either under conditions of great 
characteristic elaboration or of suggestive simplicity. To be classed with 
" I'lie Man Who Married a Dumb Wife." Strongly recommended to 
Little Theatres in particular and to amateurs in general. 
Price, 2') cents 



CHRISTMAS DOINGS 

A Group of Little Christmas Plays, Entertainments 
and Recitations 

By Lettie C. Van Derveer 

CONTENTS 
The Lonely Little Evergreen Tree, i male, lo children. 
Mixed Baskets, i male, 3 females. 

Mow Christmas Came to the Orphans' Home, lomales, 12 females. 
The Talented Dollies, 8 females. 
The Christmas Picture, 5 females. 
Twenty-one recitations suited for children of all ages. 

Price, J/ cents 



EIGHT FAIRY OPERAS 

» 
A Collection of Operettas based upon well-known Fairy Tales, 
intended for the Entertainment of Children of All Ages 

By Laura E. Richards 

CONTENTS 

Cinderella, i boy, 4 girls. 
Babes in the Wood, 5 boys, i girl. 
Beauty and the Beast, 2 boys, 3 girls, 
Bluebeard, 2 boys, 3 girls. 
The Three Bears, 3 boys, i girl. 
Good King Arthur, 4 boys, 3 girls. 
Puss In Boots, 7 boys, 4 girls. 
The Sleeping Beauty, 4 boys, 8 girls. 

Costumes fanciful ; scenery unimportant; play about 

fifteen minutes each. 

Price, j^ cents 



EVERYWOMAN ! 

» ] 

A Modern Morality Play 1 

By Walter Browne \ 

Fifteen males, twenty females. Costumes, fanciful. Scenery, elaborate. 1 

Plays a full evening. The acting version of Henry W. Savage's pro- ^ 

duction of this play. With eight photographic reproductions of scenes in ; 

the play as produced. Acting rights in the sole hands of Mr. Savage. J 

Price, 3S cents ' 



Line busy 

A Comedy in Two Acts 
By Gladys Ruth Bridgham 
Five male, nineteen female clmiacters, mostly very young people. 
8cene, an easy interior ; costumes, modern. Plays an hour and a half. 
Written for high school performance and admirably suited for this jnir- 
pose. Lorraine Fenwick is comlucliiig a school for girls under the terms 
of an uncle's will to demonstrate her right to a big legacy left her under 
conditions. Well, just as some burglars are looting a near-by house, some 
of her girls, seeing the place open, enter and get mixed up in the troul.le. 
A "jay" detective thoroughly mixes up the beans thus spilled, and an 
exciting maze of circumstances follows that is full of surprises and fun. 
A. capital piece, well recommended. 

Price, ^S cents 

CHARAC TERS 



Janice Reece, an instructor. 
Snowball, the maid. 
Jeremiah Stokes, the constable. 
Lorraine Fenwick. 
Mrs. Olive Gleason-Hamilton 



Marion 

Ada 

Flossie 

Stella 

Agnes 

Phyllis 

Marie 



the juniors. 



Magnolia, her daughter. 
Roscoe Linden. 
Parker Hamilton. 
Jack Huntley. 
Richard Fenwick. 
Trixie Tree, an actress. 
Jean Morris 
Anita Shirley 
Helen Burns the 

Muriel Collins ' seniors. 
Frances Rose 
Gladys Symons 



SWIMMIN' POOLS 

A Romance in One Act 
For Male Characters Only 
By Belford Forrest 
Five male characters. Scenery, a dark stage ; unimportant. Costumes, 
modern. Plays twenty mmutes^ " The Kid " of a trio of hobos en- 
counters the turning point in his life in the person of i voung woman and 
parts with his mates in a scene of great dramatic interest. A liigh class 
play for male characters uniting much humor with ^jenuine sentiment. 
Strongly recommended. 

Price, 2^ cents 



THE HAPPY DAY 

A Farce in One Act 
By Octa7>ia Roberts 
Seven female characters. Scene, an interior; costumes, "Jvyiern. Plays 
half an hour. Sybil Marlowe, a bride, worried to death by the burden o' 
preparation for a fashionable wedding and on the eve ot a quarrel with 
her fiance over the strenuous entertainments of her friends, cuts th^ Imot 
when an impossible country cousin turns up with a demaiid tc s^rve a? 
bridesmaid, and gets married on the quiet. Very bright and liveil and 
strongly recommended. Price, 25 cents 



TURNING THE TRICK 

A Dramatic Comedy in Three Acts 
By J. C. McMulleii 
Six males, five females. Scene, a single interior. Plays a full even- 
ing. When Mary Ann Casey takes up shimmy dancing and wants to find 
her affinity, Patrick simply has to assert himself. Incidentally he is in- 
strumental in unearthing a gang of diamond smugglers who, in the char- 
acter of " society " people, are a part of Mrs. Casey's fashionable set. 
Good Irish comedy leads, both male and female, French comedy part, 
" Bolshevik " adventuress, comedy maid and janitor — all parts good. 
Price, J5 cents 

CHARACTERS 
Patrick Casey, a retired contractor. 
Mary Anne, his wife. 
Michael, his son. 
Kathleen 1 , . , ,, 
Maggie } ^"^ daughters. 

George Drake, a friend of the family. 

Eileen, the maid. ' 

" Humpy " Steele, the janitor. 

Jim Dougherty, of the (J. S. Treasury Departtnent, 

Madam Anna Bairski, a bolshevik. 

Armand Francois Boni Aime De Lovier, a tnodiste. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — 3 : oo p. m., a Monday afternoon in June. 
Act II. — 4:00 p. M., Tuesday afternoon. 
Act III. — Midnight, Tuesday. 

THE MODERN DRAMA SERIES 

THE RED LIGHT OF MARS 

or 

A Day in the Life of tlie Devil 

A Philosophical Comedy in Three Acts 

By George Branson- Howard 

Fifteen males, three females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, a single 

interior. Plays a full evening. Acting rights controlled by The John 

W. Rumsey Co., New York. Price, 75 cetits 

MOTHER NATURE — PROGRESS 

Two Belgian Plays 
By Gustave Vanzype 
MOTHER NATURE.— A Comedy in Three Acts. Five males, five 
females. Modern costumes ; same scene for all three acts. Plays two hours. 
PROGRESS.— A Play in Three Acts. Six males, three females. 
Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Plays two hours. 
Price, 7J cents 



THE GUEST RETAINER 

A Farce in Three Acts 

By Carl Webster Pierce 

Five males, three females. Scene, a hotel office. Plays two hours. A 

guest retainer is an imagined employee of a summer hotel whose job it is 

to keep the lady guests contented and happy. It ought to work tine, but 

in this case it had some very funny consequences. An aviator, a retired 

undertaker and some other eccentric characters aft'ord good parts. Its 

small cast and easy production recommend this piece. 

Price, JJ cents 



\ proprietors of the Hotel Jerskeet. 



CHARACTERS 

H. O. Tell 

T. A.Verne 

Ima Braver. 

Cassandra McArty. 

Owen Coffin. 

Richard Archibald Simpson. 

liiRDiE Lark, " The Eaglet.'^ 

Hopper. 

SYNOPSIS 
Scene. Lobby of the Hotel Jerskeet, somewhere in New Jersey. 
Act L Morning of July 15. 
Act H. Two weeks later. 
Act HL Morning of August 15. 

Plays Two Hours 

O'KEEFE'S CIRCUIT 

An Entertainment in One Scene 
By Carolyn Draper Gilpatric 
' Twelve males, eight females or less. Scene, a manager's office. Plays 
ad libitum. A vaudeville manager receives in his office applicants for 
engagements, who illustrate their talent or lack of it. Colored characters, 
male and female, Indian, Spanish, " Rube," old-fashioned and various 
eccentric. 

Price, J5 cents 

THE OFFICE FORCE 

Mr. O'Keefe, a pomp Otis, showily-dressed man. 

Maggie Hennessy, the stylish stenographer. 

Bill, the office boy. 

MosE and Charley {colored ) song and dance. 

Minnehaha, an Indian dancer. 

Spirituella, a fake spiritualistic tnediton. 

An Old-Fashioned Girl, singing oldfashioned songs. 

Deacon Small ajid his wife and Ruth Sandy-Knee. 

A Reading or Monologue. 

Carmencita, who sings in Spanish costume. 

The Hippity-Hop Twins, ;//rf« and girl in song and dance. 

The Blow Brothers, a colored orchestra [burlesque). 



«^. 



r ■^ -^ -^r -JU: >k;3 Ar j<k a iSk^Bk 



Plays for Junior 



High Schools 



Males Females 



Sally Lunn 

Mr. Bob 

The Man from Brandoo 

A Box of Monkeys 

A Rice Pudding 

Class Day 

Chums 

An Easy Mark 

Pa's New Housekeeper 

Not On the Program 

The Cool Collegians 

The Elopement of Ellen 

Tommy's Wife 

Johnny's New Suit 

Thirty Minutes for Refreshments 

West of Omaha 

The Flying Wedge 

My Brother's Keeper 

The Private Tutor 

Me an' Otis 

Up to Freddie 

My Cousin Timmy 

Aunt Abigail and the Boys 

Caught Out 

Constantine Pueblo Jones 

The Cricket On the Hearth 

The Deacon's Second Wife 

Five Feet of Love 

The Hurdy Gurdy Girl 

Camp Fidelity Girls 

Carroty Nell 

A Case for Sherlock Holmes 

The Clancey Kids 

The Happy Day 

I Grant You Three Wishes 

Just a Little Mistake 

The Land of Night 

Local and Long Distance 

The Original Two Bits 

An Outsider 

Oysters 

A Pan of Fudge 

A Peck of Trouble 

A Precious Pickle 

The First National Boot 

His Father's Son 

The Turn In the Road 

A Half Back's Interference 

The Revolving Wedge 

Mose 



3 
3 
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2 
2 
4 

3 
5 
3 
3 
3 
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3 

2 

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3 
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2 

'A 

2 

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BAKER, Hamilton Place, Boston, 



Mass. 



Prite 
25c 

25c 
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25c 
25c 



1 
I 
I 



25c 
25c 
25c 
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25c 

25c 
25c 
25c 
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35c 
25c 
25 c 
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35c 

2!;c 

35c 
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35c 
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Si 


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S 


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Plays and Novelties That Have Been 


" Winners " 


f 


MuUs 


Female 


r.;«. 


Price Royalty 


Camp Fidelity Qirls 


I r 


2)4 Ins. 


35c None 




Anita's Trial 


II 


2 " 


35>-' 






The Farmerette 


'7 


2 " 


350 






Beliind the Scenes 


12 


i;i " 


35'- " 




The Camp Fire Girls 


>5 


2 " 


35c 






A Case for Sherlock Elolmes 


10 


I .'2 " 


35*= 






The House in Laurel Lane 


6 


i>^ " 


25 c 




Her First Assignment 


10 


1 " 


25c 






1 Grant You Three Wishes 


14 


/z " 


25c 






Joint Owners in Spain 


4 


K " 


35c ;S5.oo 




Marrying Money 


4 


y2 " 


25c None 




The Original Two Bits 


7 


% " 


25c 






The Over=Alls Club 


10 


Vz " 


25c 




Leave it to Polly 


II 


1^2 " 


35c 






The Rev. Peter Brice, Bachelor 


7 


'A " 


25c 






Mfss Fearless & Co. 


10 


2 " 


35c 


A Modern Cinderella 


16 


I hi " 


35c 




Theodore, Jr. 


7 


H " 


25c ■ 






Rebecca's Triumph 


16 


2 " 


35c 




Aboard a Slow Train in Mizzoury 8 


14 


2}i " 


35c 




Twelve Old Maids 


15 


I " 


25c 






An Awkward Squad 8 




X " 


2SC 




The Blow Up of Algernoa Blow 8 




A " 


25c 




The Coy Scouts 20 




2 " 


3SC 






A Close Shave 6 




Vz " 


25c 




The First National Boot 7 


2 


1 " 


25c " 




A llalf= Back's Interference 10 




H " 


25c " 






His Father's Son 14 




iX " 


35c 




The Man With the Nose 8 




34' " 


25c 




On the Quiet 12 




ly, " 


35c 






The People's Money 1 1 




\ji " 


25c " 






A Regular Rah ! Rah ! Boy 14 




n^ " 


35c 




A Regular Scream 1 1 




i}i " 


35c 






Schmerecase in School 9 




I " 


25c " 






The Scoutmaster 10 




2 " 


35c 




The Tramps' Convention 17 




1)4 " 


25c 






The Turn in the Road 9 




1% " 


25c " 






Wanted— a Pitcher 11 




Yz " 


25c " 




What They Did for Jenkins 14 




2 " 


25c " 






Aunt Jerusha's Quilting Party 4 


12 


1% " 


25c " 






The District School at Blueberry 










Corners i 2 


17 


I " 


25c 






The Emigrants' Party 24 


10 


I " 


25c 






Miss Prim's Kindergarten 10 


II 


^'A " 


25c 




A Pageant of History Any number 


2 " 


35c 






The Reve! of the Year 


" 


H " 


25c . '• 






Scenes in the Union Depot " 


" 




25c 




Taking the Census i 1 Bingville 14 


8 


ly^ " 


25c " 






The Village Post=Ofltice 22 


20 


2 " 


35c 






O'Keefe's Circuit 12 


8 


■1^2 " 


35c 




BAKER, Hamilton Place, 


Boston, 


Mass. 


i 


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1812394 



